There are certain trigger words or phrases that automatically set our spines tingling with dread and make a knot in our stomachs... "The Doctor will see you now", "These molars will have to come out", "I am extremely sorry but the 8:45 departure to....", "We've got John Smith's Extra Smooth or Carling".
If you try lots of unusual German beers, then "Deutsche Porter" is one of these phrases. Just as a German beer drinker in Britain would probably wonder how it's possible for a brewer to make such vile lager, anyone trying a German porter would ask themselves how you can so effectively murder a beer style with such a fine heritage. Actually the answer is fairly simple... bottom ferment it and add 15,000,000 bags of sugar after fermentation.
With 10 tubes of toothpaste standing by I braced myself...
The Kirsch Porter is brewed by Lausitzer, with 90% of their porter and 10% cherries. To be honest it wasn't as terrible as I'd been expecting; it's still too sweet but the cherries seemed to disguise the natural vomitness of the "porter". I actually liked the first few swigs, although this was probably solely due to the cherries, as the beer side of it might as well have been coke. I suppose Lausitzer should be given some credit for at least making a German beer with "porter" on it that doesn't make your face look like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
"Steinbier" was not a style I'd come across before, and when I first sipped Leikeim's offering there was something very subtle but quite unusual about it which I couldn't place... it was very slightly smokey but I was sure it wasn't a Rauchbier. Upon further investigation it turns out that this beer is made by dropping hot steins (stones) into the wort. This gives it its slightly smokey but slightly sweet taste. Interesting enough but I wouldn't bother with it again.